I can remember as a very young child, lying in bed at night and trying to understand how I was trapped inside this body. I did not feel a part of the body. I would look at my hands and feel like they were not a part of me. I would feel expansive, then very small. Sometimes I would wake up on the ceiling, which terrified me.
I realized later that I had a terrible time grounding into the body. I suspect my soul did not want to be here on planet Earth. In fact, I almost checked out twice. Once during my mother’s pregnancy and then again when I was two or three and had pneumonia. It took me many, many years to understand the concept of grounding and why it was important to good physical, emotional and spiritual health. It wasn’t until I started practicing Shamanism and deepened my connection to the Earth, that I finally became one with my body.
My beloved grandmother became terminally ill when I was eight and passed away. This was one of those life changing moments where I began to question the existence of God, and the validity of religion. It was a quest that was to continue throughout my life. It led me down many paths. Existentialism, Transcendentalism, Native American Spirituality, Buddhism and the Hare Krishnas, Christianity, Paganism and Wicca all were religions and spiritualities I explored. Today I am a mixture of all of them, but by nature Pagan.
I remember having precognitive dreams in my teens, and dreams that death was coming to someone in my family. These precog episodes were later confirmed. I began to be able to feel the presence of spirits during that time. I attended a Pow Wow in my late teens and the effect was astounding. It was the beginning of being open to our inherent oneness and the beauty and wonder of nature. I believe that studying Transcendentalism in College and attending the Pow Wow were the beginning of Paganism as my spiritual path.
My father passed away during my Saturn Return in 1982. A few months later, my oldest son was born. It’s interesting that I went through my first Saturn Return when my father was going through his second. My son went through his first when I was going through my second. I expected to die during it as my father did, but I am still here, several years later.
I married at 23, and from that time until I was about 40 I consider my personal spiritual “Dark Ages”. Around the time of my Uranus Opposition at age 40, I met someone who was to change the course of my life.
My mother passed in 1988 and sometime thereafter, I got the whisper in my ear (from where, I never knew) to move from New Jersey to California. It was kind of crazy as I was living in the same town for my entire life, my husband at the time and I both owned businesses and we had two young boys. I had no idea why we were moving but the impulse was quite strong so we made the move in 1990.
Within a few years, our marriage was over and I met the man who was to change my life. He too left where he was living in Virginia and moved to California on an impulse. My ex was resistant to reality as I had been telling him for years that I no longer wished to be married and my divorce was very contentious and stressful.
When I met Tony, I was ripe for love and passion in my life, having had none for so long. We spent hours talking about everything. He was a deeply spiritual Hawaiian, and he awakened my spirituality. I fell deeply in love. The story does not have a happy ending however, for he disappeared on me. I was devastated, as he was the only man I truly loved.
Some two years later, I woke up one morning on a mission to go to Santa Barbara from my home in San Diego. As always, I had no idea why I was going, but I listened to the message deep in my heart. I packed the kids in the car and started driving. As I neared Santa Barbara, my phone went off. It was Tony. He was living in Calabasas, the very town I was passing through. We were able to have a very painful discussion, but it provided me with some closure. Soon after us speaking, he suffered a debilitating stroke at age 47. Had I not awakened with the urge to go to Santa Barbara that day, I don’t think I would have ever known what happened. Our energy was close enough physically to connect. Tony passed away a few years later. The story read like a Greek Tragedy, which was fitting, as I am Greek!
I tried everything to heal from the pain, but nothing helped until I began to study metaphysics. I started with Reiki, which really changed my life. I did past life regression, Astrology consultations and Tarot readings. I connected with a psychic who got me through the worst of it and I will forever be grateful. I went to ministerial school in the 90s. It was a “New Age” Ministry so I learned a lot there from my dear teacher and mentor, Dr. Judith Larkin Reno. I also studied ministerial counseling techniques which I use to this day.
Everywhere I went, there was a picture of the Ascended Master St. Germain. It was a long, convoluted Journey, even finding out who he was. At first, I looked in a book of Saints. That’s how naïve I was at the time. Finally, a psychic 3,000 miles away told me all about the Ascended Masters and St. Germain. I realized he was guiding me through my awakening and sending me to places where I could find real healing.
I started studying Astrology in the mid-90s. A few years earlier, an Astrologer studying my chart said I’d make an excellent Astrologer and I thought he was crazy. It was mind blowing, because it helped me to understand people in my life, and to make sense of what I considered “my failures”. I was really searching for my Soul’s Purpose, which I first found in my Astrology chart. I always felt driven but did not at the time know to where. It was a drive that continues to this day.
Around the time I went to Ministerial School, I became part of a group of 5 channelers. Two of the people worked the planchette (it was a form of automatic writing), while I recorded the channeling via a typewriter and the others were supportive. We channeled incredible information about the Egyptian Pyramids, the nature of the Universe, and Edgar Cayce. From Edgar Cayce, we did medical readings for the participants. What started out as 5 people became 65 at one point. People came from all over to witness us channel and get personal readings. Eventually, due to issues with the two main channelers, the channel was lost, and we disbanded, but I will always remember that time. I learned so much and made some wonderful friends.
Synchronicities abounded, books flew off shelves and I met people who taught me so much. I participated in a past life regression which helped me to heal from my broken relationship. In truth, I don’t think I ever fully healed because I never fell in love like that again. Instead, I was very single minded, pursuing my career as an Astrologer, Reiki Master and Tarot reader. I wanted to help people find their way as I did.
To be continued.